The Limitations of Using AI for Conflict Resolution

As of June 2023, ChatGPT boasts an estimated user base of 100 million. Approximately 12.31% of these users are based in the United States, and 59.67% identify as male. Although ChatGPT is regarded as one of the most advanced AI systems in the world today, many people harbor concerns about the ethical considerations surrounding its use and the potential for abuse.

Humanity has historically been ill-prepared to handle the advent of new technologies responsibly, often mismanaging their integration into society. This pattern is evident in our experiences with the internet, nuclear technology, and automobiles. On each occasion, we were substantially unprepared for the repercussions of these emerging technologies. No one could have foreseen how the internet would foster echo chambers that reinforce negative beliefs and behaviors, escalate bullying, and facilitate criminal activities. Similarly, who could have predicted the significant environmental degradation caused by automobile emissions?

However, we are not living in the 1800s anymore. Time and time again, we have learned harsh lessons due to our lack of foresight and preparation. Now, it is clear that when faced with a groundbreaking invention with the potential to alter society on a grand scale, we must engage in thoughtful analysis of the ethical implications associated with it. There can be no more excuses.

Indeed, ChatGPT is a potent tool in various domains, including mental health. It can be employed to cross-reference new research, assist clinicians in developing handouts, and offer resources for clients. Another innovative application of ChatGPT is in conflict resolution. Clients who struggle with setting boundaries can utilize ChatGPT to structure their thoughts and draft emails or texts that effectively communicate their needs and boundaries. This can alleviate the stress of confronting someone directly, allowing individuals extra time to process their thoughts and feelings.

Here is a quick example on how ChatGPT can be used for conflict resolution. 

In this example, I simply input the following “write an email letting someone know they made me feel uncomfortable and i need space from them. use a respectful yet assertive tone”. ChatGPT wrote the following: 

_____________________________________________________________________________

Dear [Recipient's Name],

I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to discuss something that has been on my mind. In our recent interactions, there were moments that made me feel uncomfortable. It's essential for me to communicate my feelings, as I believe open dialogue fosters understanding and growth.

I understand that we all have different perspectives and what might be normal for one person might be uncomfortable for another. That said, I find it necessary to take a little break and give myself some space to reflect and recalibrate.

I want to stress that my intent is not to accuse or alienate. Instead, I believe that by expressing my feelings, we can better understand each other and find a middle ground in the future. I value our relationship, and I think this short break will be beneficial for both of us.

Thank you for understanding. I appreciate your respect for my feelings and needs.

Warm regards,

[Your Name]

_____________________________________________________________________________

I then asked ChatGPT to make this same message into a concise text, and I received the following: 

Hey [Recipient's Name],

Recently, some of our interactions made me feel uneasy. I need a bit of space to reflect. Hope you understand, and we can discuss more later.

Thanks,

[Your Name]

_____________________________________________________________________________

As a mental health professional, I stand by these messages. They are clear, and assertive. Two things recovering trauma survivors have trouble with. Therefore, it can be a very helpful tool in developing the language to assert your needs and boundaries.

Its important to remember that ChatGPT is meant to be a tool to assist us, and not a replacement for personal judgement, or human connection. Just as taking medication is meant to assist a client to ‘take the edge off’ enough to do the clinical work and make real change in their mind and body, ChatGPT is meant to assist with the practice of developing new skills. It is not meant to be something to rely on for human judgement and emotional connection.

When using AI to assist with conflict situations, it's crucial to be aware of its limitations. Some of the significant constraints include:

• Lack of Emotional Intelligence: AI doesn't have feelings, emotions, or consciousness. While it can detect patterns or keywords related to emotions, it cannot genuinely understand or empathize with human emotions.

• Over-reliance: Depending on AI too heavily might cause individuals to abdicate personal responsibility for communication. This could lead to reduced effort in understanding the other person or making amends.

• Impersonality: Even with the most advanced natural language processing, AI-generated responses can come across as impersonal or generic, which might not be appropriate in sensitive or deeply personal conversations.

• Misinterpretation: AI can make errors, especially when nuances, sarcasm, local idioms, or cultural specifics are involved. What the AI perceives as negative or positive might be different from human perception.

• Ethical and Privacy Concerns: The use of AI in personal communications raises concerns about data privacy. If the AI system stores or analyzes personal conversations, there's potential for misuse or data breaches.

• Over-simplification: Conflict often arises from complex, multifaceted issues. AI might oversimplify matters by categorizing sentiments or topics in a binary or limited manner.

• Bias: AI models are trained on large datasets, and if those datasets contain biases, the AI might perpetuate or amplify them. For instance, an AI might treat certain expressions or cultural references differently based on biased data.

• Dependency: Over time, users might become dependent on AI for communication, eroding their own skills in conflict resolution, empathy, and understanding.

• Escalation: In rare cases, if not used correctly or if misunderstood, AI suggestions might escalate conflicts instead of resolving them.

• Generalization: AI systems are generally designed for broad applicability, which means they might not be fine-tuned for specific cultural, personal, or situational nuances.

• Reduction in Genuine Effort: If someone knows that their conversation partner is using AI aids, they might feel that the person isn't putting in a genuine effort to understand or resolve the conflict.

To navigate these limitations, users should:

• View AI as a tool, not a replacement for personal judgement.

• Always review AI-generated or AI-suggested content for appropriateness.

• Be open about using AI assistance when in conflict (transparency can prevent further misunderstandings).

• Regularly update and fine-tune AI systems to ensure they're as unbiased and effective as possible.

• Be willing to disengage from the AI tool if it seems to be causing more harm than good.

In conclusion, ChatGPT or other AI can be very helpful for resolving minor conflicts. However, for more serious conflicts traditional methods like face-to-face discussions, mediation, or counseling might be more effective than AI-assisted text communication.

Finding Light in the Dark: The Importance of Hope in Coping with Mental Health Issues

No matter what the odds, hope is an essential part of coping with mental health issues. It can be the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling in control, between giving up and finding the courage to keep going. Hope gives us the strength to believe that things can get better, that life can still be filled with joy and purpose despite whatever darkness we may be facing. In this blog post, we will explore the importance of hope in mental health, how it increases resilience, and how to find hope even in the darkest of times.

What is Hope?

Hope is the belief that a brighter future is possible and that we have the capacity to make positive changes in our lives. Hope is a key ingredient for finding peace, joy, and meaning in life. It is the optimism that even in difficult circumstances, we can find a way forward and create a better future for ourselves. Without hope, it can be difficult to face life’s challenges and to persist in the face of adversity. Hope helps us to stay motivated and keep striving for our goals. Ultimately, hope is what allows us to keep living and believing in ourselves.

How does Hope help us cope with mental health issues?

Hope is often thought of as a form of resilience in the face of difficulty. It helps us remain optimistic in the midst of darkness, gives us strength to work through our troubles and ultimately brings us to a brighter future. Famous American author, poet and civil rights activist, Maya Angelou said it best, “Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. Invite one to stay.” The power of hope lies in its ability to help us move away from fear and towards a more hopeful and productive outlook on life.

When it comes to mental health issues, hope can be a valuable tool in finding the strength and courage to keep going. Research has found that hope can lead to improved well-being, including better mental health, improved resilience, and better relationships with those around us. For example, a 2014 study by the University of Pennsylvania found that those who were more hopeful had better psychological outcomes when facing difficulties. Hope also helps us better manage our emotions, create plans for how to overcome our issues, and develop a positive attitude towards life.

These positive effects of hope on mental health can be seen in the words of inspirational poet and writer, Rumi: “Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. Cleverness is mere opinion; bewilderment is intuition.” This quote is a reminder that even in the midst of chaos and difficulty, we can still choose to view life with an open mind and have faith that things will get better. We can use hope to take action and make change in our lives, allowing us to reach a brighter future.

How can we find hope when we are struggling?

When we are feeling down, it can be hard to find hope. Life can be overwhelming and difficult, and at times, it may seem impossible to find something positive in our lives. But hope is the light in the darkness that keeps us going.

The most important thing to remember is that no matter how bleak the situation may seem, hope is still there. Finding hope in dark times can be as simple as taking a few moments to appreciate the small things in life, like a beautiful sunrise, a kind gesture from a stranger, or a moment of joy with friends and family. Acknowledging these moments helps us to find peace amidst the chaos and can give us a sense of strength and optimism.

It's also important to remember that we are not alone. Connecting with loved ones and seeking support from family, friends, and professionals can be invaluable in helping us to reframe our thoughts and refocus our energies. Talking about our struggles can help us gain perspective and bring clarity to our situation. It can also create a sense of community and solidarity, allowing us to draw strength from one another.

Finally, finding hope in dark times also means being kind to ourselves. Self-compassion is an essential part of coping with mental health issues and it’s important to practice self-care, whether it’s through journaling, meditation, or simply taking a break from our day-to-day stresses. Even if it’s just for a few moments, taking care of ourselves is key for staying afloat and finding hope.

No matter how bleak things may seem, there is always hope. It is possible to find joy in even the darkest of times. We just need to stay open to the possibilities, seek out support, and practice self-compassion. With time, patience, and effort, we can discover a renewed sense of strength and optimism—and find hope in the darkest of days. Remember, healing takes time and some days will be harder than others. That’s why it’s important to practice self-compassion; make sure you take care of yourself emotionally and physically so you have the energy to keep moving forward. There are also many resources available to those struggling with mental health such as hotlines, online therapy, and peer support groups. Making use of them when necessary can provide much needed support during tough times.

Moreover, learning new coping skills can help you manage your mental health more effectively. Consider learning mindfulness techniques, emotional regulation skills, and stress management tools. These practices will not only allow you to better regulate your emotions but also strengthen your ability to cope more resiliently during challenging times.

At the end of the day, know that hope is within reach and you don't have to face your struggles alone. You are capable of finding courage even in the hardest of moments—all you need is resilience, faith, and determination.

Tips for maintaining hope:

1. Connect with loved ones: Reach out to your family and friends, or join a support group online. Having a community of people to connect with can help provide you with positive messages and remind you that you are not alone in your struggles.

2. Practice self-care: Take time for yourself and engage in activities that bring you joy. This could include taking a warm bath, listening to music, going for a walk in nature, or any activity that brings you peace.

3. Make time for reflection: It is important to take the time to reflect on what you have accomplished and be proud of yourself for all that you have endured. Reflecting on your successes can give you the motivation to keep going and bring a sense of hope into your life.

4. Find things to be grateful for: Making a daily list of things that you are grateful for can help shift your focus away from negative emotions and provide perspective on the positive aspects of your life.

5. Reach out for professional help: If you feel like you are struggling too much and need additional support, do not hesitate to reach out for professional help. A mental health professional can provide you with tools and resources to help cope with difficult emotions and build resiliency.

You can choose to find hope and cultivate it in your life through connections, self-care, reflection, gratitude, and seeking professional help if necessary. Believe in yourself and the power that lies within you to make positive changes in your life.

Remember that even in the darkest of times, there is always light!!

How to Support a Partner That Has Trauma

In my work with trauma survivors I have heard from both ends of the story. On one end you have a partner that may be feeling overwhelmed, lost, confused, and helpless when dealing with their partner that is often triggered by their trauma. On the other end there is the trauma survivor-doing their best to get by one day at a time.

It can be easy for couples to begin to find fault in the relationship when both are struggling to live with this reality. However, it is important to remember that the overall situation is difficult for everyone-therefore the best solution is to provide support for everyone. You can begin by working on the following:

Safety

Establishing safety is an absolute necessity when forming any healthy relationship, but especially with trauma survivors. This may look like respecting boundaries, asking for consent when engaging, checking-in, and holding space. You can begin establishing safety by asking your partner what makes them feel safe, or how you can help them feel safer in the relationship (e.g. using a calm voice/tone when discussing conflict).

Boundaries

Boundaries are the rules and limits we set in any relationship to help us feel and stay safe. You can imagine how important it is to implement boundaries in a relationship. Many trauma survivors may struggle to set boundaries due to past trauma. They may fear negative repurcussions such as being shamed, blamed, rejected, abandoned, or abused. They may find themselves frozen when they feel violated, unable to express how they feel. Or the opposite, they may become extremely defensive and threaten to leave the realtionship.

Sit down with your partner and discuss each others boundaries. Do not judge, criticize, belittle, or question your partners boundaries. Make goals to show your partner that you respect their boundaries and care about them feeling safe. Here is an example of a possible conversation:

Partner 1: I have been thinking about our recent conflicts and think it would be helpful if we talked about boundaries, is now a good time?

Partner 2: Yes, I am ready now.

Partner 1: The other day when we went to the party, I felt very uncomfortable. I want to support your desire to socialize, however It also makes me very uneasy when we are in a large group of people not wearing masks.

Partner 2: I hear what you are saying, being around alot of people not wearing masks makes you uncomfortable.

Partner 1: I don’t think I am ready to participate in such a crowded setting.

Partner 2: You are not ready to be in crowded spaces. Im sorry, please let me know when you feel ready.

Partner 1: Thank you for listening.

Self Care

One hard truth about supporting someone that is healing from trauma is that they may be limited in their capacity to fulfill all their partners needs. It will be important for the supporting partner to engage in their own self care, including but not limited to exercise, talking to friends, talking to a priests, going to therapy, going to a support group, and making sure their basic needs are met (e.g. eating, sleeping, showering).

In a relationship there are times when one partner may not be feeling their best. For example, when one partner is sick, or has an accident, or loses their job. These are appropriate times to support your partner until they heal or recover. Of course, this is all considering that boundaries and safety are not jeapordized for either person.

Conclusion

In summary, supporting a partner with trauma begins with establishing safety, boundaries, and engaging in your own self care. If you feel stuck on how to begin these steps please reach out and schedule a 15 minute consultation.

Fact and Fiction About Therapist: What They Do and Don’t Do

There are many reasons why a person may not want to seek therapy in today’s age. While many of those reasons are valid, other reasons are created by society. This article will review a few of society’s misconceptions about what it means to be a good therapist. My hope is that by shedding some light on the role of a therapist, you will feel more assured and comforted, and most importantly, encouraged to move forward in your own journey of healing and change.

Fiction #1: A therapist is supposed to tell you what to do.

A therapist is there to guide you and support you. I’ve come across many families and individuals looking for me to provide them the answers to their problems. However, as I always tell my clients, “the only person that knows what you need for healing is you!” In fact, we all instinctively know what we need to do to effect change within ourselves. If this is so, then why is it so difficult to for us to make those changes to improve the quality of our lives? The issue lie within our primitive instincts of survival. When we find ourselves stuck or frozen in place because of something that pains us, our brain becomes conflicted. Our brain is only interested in survival, and in the case of trauma, our brain uses defenses (e.g. avoidance, denial, dissociation, suppressing, etc) in order to protect itself and continue its daily life. However, while these techniques may allow you to live your life, the quality of your life is affected because your mind is not fully present, which prevents you from feeling joy and contentment. The job of a therapist is to help you (and your mind) feel safe and secure enough to let down those defenses and process the hard stuff. With the resources made available to you in therapy, you can safely develop new techniques to work through your pain and accomplish true healing.

Fiction #2: A therapist can’t help you if they have not experienced X,Y,Z..

While knowing that your therapist has overcome similar or the same issues as you might seem important, in reality, it is not essential to the mind’s healing process. No matter what you may be struggling with, and no matter what experiences you may share in common with your therapist, it is the job of any good therapist to provide you with compassion, support, and guidance. A therapist can help you process anything by  ‘holding’ your thoughts and emotions in a safe place.  This ‘holding’ concept was developed by Donald Winnicott (1953) and compared the process to the way a loving mother ‘holds’ her child or cares for her child. In therapy, this experience happens when a therapist provides compassion, unconditional love, understanding, support, encouragement, hope and resources to the client. The success of this process will rely heavily on both the therapists ability to ‘hold’ the client in a safe mental and emotional place, and the client trusting in themselves and their therapist. If you are not ready to trust your own ability to work through the hard stuff, then it won’t matter if your therapist has or has not worked through the same issues as you.

Fiction #3: Therapists talk about their clients.

Therapist are bound by law to protect the information and identity of their clients.

You may be thinking that a therapist has some sweet interesting stories to share with others. However, we have a code of ethics that we legally need to follow in order to stay licensed. Part of this code is to protect the information and identity of our clients. The only time a therapist is allowed to talk about a client is when seeking guidance from a supervisor or colleague, and even then, a therapist has to legally protect your identity. Therefore, even if a therapist seeks consultation about a client, they will not use names or any other information that may identify the client. You may also look online and review the California Laws and Code of Ethics for MFT’s at the official American Association for Marriage and Family Therapist website (or simply click here!).

Conclusion

After reading this article, take some time to reflect and check in with yourself. My hope is that this has helped alleviate some of your worries about going into therapy.

While a good therapist will not have all the answers for you, or a magical remedy, they will offer you support, guidance, and resources so that you feel empowered to do the work alongside the therapist.

Even if a therapist has not experienced the exact same thing as you, if they are able to provide a ‘holding environment’ then you will feel and be safe enough to process the hard stuff. It is important to note that ‘holding’ a client is not something that is done to a client but a process that is worked on together through mutual participation and discussion.

Ultimately, the only person that has the power to make change in yourself is you. A good therapist will be there to support you, encourage you and provide a mirror that you can use to reflect on. Are you ready to start this process of working through the hard stuff and heal? 

Spring - A Time for New Beginnings

Spring is known for a time of fresh beginnings and renewal. It is chock full of slogans and catchphrases such as ‘spring cleaning’ and ‘out with the old in with the new’. Spring cleaning usually refers to people cleaning out their closet, sifting through all the paperwork that’s been piling for the last year, and adjusting to a new time change.

Spring also bring flowers into bloom, causing our allergies to run a mock! This time not only reminds us to take care of ourselves better physically (so we can survive our sinus headaches) but shows us that we can adapt to the changes in season. We are also met with flowers blooming all around us, showering us with the symbol of perseverance.

Just as the trees and flowers go through the seasons of change and require different ingredients to bloom, so can we persevere through different times in our life. And with the right ingredients (love, support, guidance, nurturing) we can also bloom into a beautiful flower or grow the many leaves in our branches. And while we may be busy cleaning out the closet, and dusting the cobwebs in the house, it's just as important to slow down and make time to nurture our spiritual and emotional side.

Join me this Spring in cleansing and rejuvenating our souls through therapy.