There are many reasons why a person may not want to seek therapy in today’s age. While many of those reasons are valid, other reasons are created by society. This article will review a few of society’s misconceptions about what it means to be a good therapist. My hope is that by shedding some light on the role of a therapist, you will feel more assured and comforted, and most importantly, encouraged to move forward in your own journey of healing and change.
Fiction #1: A therapist is supposed to tell you what to do.
A therapist is there to guide you and support you. I’ve come across many families and individuals looking for me to provide them the answers to their problems. However, as I always tell my clients, “the only person that knows what you need for healing is you!” In fact, we all instinctively know what we need to do to effect change within ourselves. If this is so, then why is it so difficult to for us to make those changes to improve the quality of our lives? The issue lie within our primitive instincts of survival. When we find ourselves stuck or frozen in place because of something that pains us, our brain becomes conflicted. Our brain is only interested in survival, and in the case of trauma, our brain uses defenses (e.g. avoidance, denial, dissociation, suppressing, etc) in order to protect itself and continue its daily life. However, while these techniques may allow you to live your life, the quality of your life is affected because your mind is not fully present, which prevents you from feeling joy and contentment. The job of a therapist is to help you (and your mind) feel safe and secure enough to let down those defenses and process the hard stuff. With the resources made available to you in therapy, you can safely develop new techniques to work through your pain and accomplish true healing.
Fiction #2: A therapist can’t help you if they have not experienced X,Y,Z..
While knowing that your therapist has overcome similar or the same issues as you might seem important, in reality, it is not essential to the mind’s healing process. No matter what you may be struggling with, and no matter what experiences you may share in common with your therapist, it is the job of any good therapist to provide you with compassion, support, and guidance. A therapist can help you process anything by ‘holding’ your thoughts and emotions in a safe place. This ‘holding’ concept was developed by Donald Winnicott (1953) and compared the process to the way a loving mother ‘holds’ her child or cares for her child. In therapy, this experience happens when a therapist provides compassion, unconditional love, understanding, support, encouragement, hope and resources to the client. The success of this process will rely heavily on both the therapists ability to ‘hold’ the client in a safe mental and emotional place, and the client trusting in themselves and their therapist. If you are not ready to trust your own ability to work through the hard stuff, then it won’t matter if your therapist has or has not worked through the same issues as you.
Fiction #3: Therapists talk about their clients.
Therapist are bound by law to protect the information and identity of their clients.
You may be thinking that a therapist has some sweet interesting stories to share with others. However, we have a code of ethics that we legally need to follow in order to stay licensed. Part of this code is to protect the information and identity of our clients. The only time a therapist is allowed to talk about a client is when seeking guidance from a supervisor or colleague, and even then, a therapist has to legally protect your identity. Therefore, even if a therapist seeks consultation about a client, they will not use names or any other information that may identify the client. You may also look online and review the California Laws and Code of Ethics for MFT’s at the official American Association for Marriage and Family Therapist website (or simply click here!).
Conclusion
After reading this article, take some time to reflect and check in with yourself. My hope is that this has helped alleviate some of your worries about going into therapy.
While a good therapist will not have all the answers for you, or a magical remedy, they will offer you support, guidance, and resources so that you feel empowered to do the work alongside the therapist.
Even if a therapist has not experienced the exact same thing as you, if they are able to provide a ‘holding environment’ then you will feel and be safe enough to process the hard stuff. It is important to note that ‘holding’ a client is not something that is done to a client but a process that is worked on together through mutual participation and discussion.
Ultimately, the only person that has the power to make change in yourself is you. A good therapist will be there to support you, encourage you and provide a mirror that you can use to reflect on. Are you ready to start this process of working through the hard stuff and heal?
